Sbridge
by giratina23
Summary: After the multiverse is saved from the horrifying threat of Lord English our heroes resign themselves to a peaceful life in a calm universe, free of further heroisms. That doesn't stop them from meddling though... When Sollux sends a copy of the program Sbridge across to a random universe, the worlds first ever Troll/Human session will begin. And an old threat looms over all...
1. Sbridge Act 1

Sbridge

A Homestuck Fanfiction

Disclaimer

As weird as I find it I have to make sure anyone reading this knows the following things, which should be obvious.

I do not own homestuck, any of the characters of homestuck, any of the ideas of homestuck or any of the art of homestuck. If homestuck came up with it you can be a million percent sure it isn't mine. My characters are the ones that obviously belong somewhere else. Please, have a lick of sense.

Character List (Really for my benefit)

cometChaser-Umbrus Neox

zombiesBlade-Henry

snowyOwl-Sally Warner

cerebralLight-Romuli Mindai

luckyDragongirl- Aishae Neoxia

empressButterfly-Zeldia Tricka

Act 1

The Bridge

A classic story starts to unfold, a young man, glasses, a cluttered room with the door with the Sburb First Release poster on the door. As you can guess it was thirteen years ago this boy was given life it is only today he will be given a name.

== Enter Name

"Nerdbert Stinkface"

The name entry screen is suddenly pierced by the sharp end of a kitchen knife; this guy obviously doesn't have time for that. Maybe not as impressive as a good sword would've been but it gets the point across.

==Try Again

"Umbrus Neox"

That's better.

==Look Around

You take a moment to examine your room; it's pretty cluttered like you saw on the entry screen. Your stuff is piled up variously, as you like to call it strategy piles, based on the fandoms you are a part of which are absurdly numerous. On one wall you have a pile devoted to your failed attempts at being an author, your series of dragons with telepathic powers just turned out to be way too cliché.

Oh, looks like someone's trolling you.

==Answer Chum

This is no chum; quite honestly you have no idea who this is.

Pesterlog:

twinArmageddons began pestering cometChaser

TA: You are the human known as Umbrus I presume?

TA: Excuse me

TA: Talk grub

CC: What is it?

TA: There you are I am at the liberty of putting my words through a translator just to speak to you, be happy you have been learned in the way of the trolls.

CC: 13 M USA, this is where you cease pestering?

TA: You aren't getting this are you?

CC: I understand you're a troll

TA: Yes

CC: Alright so will you leave me alone now?

TA: Look enough questions, just take this

TA: 

CC: This is somewhat suspicious

TA: I understand that you have recently come into possession of the game Sgrub?

TA: Excuse me, Sburb?

CC: No shit

CC: It's only the most popular game on the face of the Earth

TA: You get the picture

TA: Now this program is very important, you need to encode it immediately

CC: It's a virus

TA: I assure you it is not

CC: That really wasn't a question

TA: You have a small amount of programming knowledge I know

TA: Take a look at the document you'll see it isn't a virus almost instantly

CC: Maybe later

TA: As soon as possible II would hope

TA: Damn, give me a second… the translator is on the fritz…

CC: So what is this program supposed to do?

TA: I'll leave that for you to find out

CC: Uh-huh…

TA: We shall not speak again

twinArmageddons ceased pestering cometChaser

CC: Oh of course

CC: Yeah, not opening it

==Open It

You really shouldn't do that, but lets face it, we both know the curiosity is way too much. The code certainly isn't a virus you can see that right away. It looks like part of a Sburb file…

One of your real chums seems to be pestering you now.

==Answer Chum

cerebralLight began trolling cometChaser

CL: Yo, Umbrus! My man!

CC: Romulus I respectfully request you cease pestering like ignoramus post haste.

CL: Romuli*

CL: And my most sincere apologies I assure you

CL: But dude! I got my copy of Sgrub!

CC: Sburb*

CC: And cool story bro, my little mail swingy thing has been up for a little while; I'm waiting for my dad to move so I can grab my copy.

CL: Dude, I'm a million percent sure it's Sgrub

CL: Why are you so scared of your lusus anyway?

CC: He's got some sort of thing for being a dictator figure we don't get along very well because I never really listen to him and he expects me to.

CL: …

CC: Yeah, yeah, you get all snuggly with that porcupine thing you've got while I have to deal with this monster.

CL: I find this both ironic and offensive

CC: Anyway I would presume you expect me to attain my copy and connect with you post-haste?

CL: You presume correctly

CL: But for the love of mother grub will you talk to Aishae already? She's been bugging me all day.

CL: Why did you block her in the first place?

CC: Probably because she scares the crap out of me.

CL: Look unblock her or I'll give you a real reason to be scared.

CC: Times a wasting for your Sburb connection

CL: Talk to the woman

cerebralLight ceased pestering cometChaser

CC: …

CC: really…?

== The Purple Text Was Annoying, Block It

As much as you would love to strike Romuli down with your famous ban wave it would be a needless waste of time and energy. Besides, this annoyance is merely passed on from a far more intimidating source. You weigh the odds of coming out of a conversation with Aishae alive versus the odds of getting a better trusted Sburb server than Romuli. Sadly you already know the answer.

== Go Crazy And Wage An Epic War Among Your Action Figures

What on Earth are you thinking? Not only is this a remarkably stupid idea but you have things far more important to be busying yourself with right now. Yet the small plastic figures, they beckon…

== Youth Roll Past Your Dad

This is a stupid idea, almost as stupid as an all out war between your various fandoms. Your father is no sucker, certainly not stupid enough to fall for a trick as old as the youth roll. Besides, what use is your Sburb game without a reliable server? The kind that of course will only cooperate if you shut up your far more annoying shared chum.

== Pester The Witch

You unblock the witch, who begins the pestering for you before you even get the chance to move the mouse.

luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser

LD: UMBRUS!

LD: JUST WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IGNORING ME LIKE THAT?

LD: GOING SO FAR AS TO BLOCK ME EVEN? HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF RESPECT?

CC: I am blown away by your capital letters I assure you

LD: I HOPE YOU ARE!

LD: Anyway, what's new stargazer?

CC: Romuli told me he wouldn't play server unless I sated your endless need for conversation, was it a futile effort?

LD: Of course not silly

LD: I bet I can even clear you a way past that lusus of yours

CC: Ignoring your slightly psychic abilities once again I question your method of movement past the paternal figure

LD: Have you thought of using a disguise?

CC: Aishae, I'm one of only two people that live in this household

LD: Oh yeah, I guess that wouldn't work would it?

LD: Banish the thought, why don't you use that epic stealth thing you do?

CC: I don't like doing that; I'm scared he's going to catch on here soon

LD: You want that copy of Sgrub don't you?

CC: …

LD: Do it pupae!

CC: Will you stop bugging Romuli?

LD: Whatever you say

CC: Thank you

CC: Be right back, hopefully

cometChaser ceased pestering luckyDragongirl

LD: Okay…

LD: Good luck…

LD: 3

== Make Sure The Gray Text Was Quite Finished

You're quite sure she was, and even if she wasn't, you're quite finished with her, Although her stealth idea was far from a bad one.

==Do Aforementioned Stealth Thing

You cannot do the stealth thing yet, you do not have the adequate equipment.

==Adequately Equip Yourself

You immediately dig around the room and captchalogue a variety of items in your Shadow Modus. The Shadow Modus is a little annoying, allowing you to take any item in your modus at any time though letting you only see the blacked out card, but you've developed a habit of memorizing the codes of the important things so you can retrieve them at any given moment. Right now you captchalogue a dollar, a slingshot, a stone, and your trusty sonic screwdriver. You equip the screwdriver to your strife specibus however, the doctor would never leave the tardis without his only weapon and neither will you.

==Now Do The Stealth Thing

This is stupid. You proceed silently downstairs, careful to ignore the various posters of football players that adorn the walls of the stairway. You hate football with all your heart and soul, which is probably the reason your father has such fascination with it. Predictably your father is sitting on the sofa watching some football game or another on the big screen. You quickly wrap the dollar around the rock and load your slingshot, sending it to the strife specibus. You give a hearty tug on the elastic band and launch the stone past your father's field of vision. Money is perhaps the only thing that would rouse him from his football game. Predictably he stands up and trundles off in hot pursuit of the American currency. Moron.

==Run For The Door While He's Distracted

You run for the door, performing a stellar youth roll as you go for the added effect. You could really stand to learn to do that a little better but for now, you've got what you've got. Just as you're about to make it to the door however, you manage to topple one of your father's prized football helmet lamps. Now there's going to be hell to pay…

==Escape Out The Door

You manage to turn the knob and proceed to the outside of your household. Nice abscond by the end of it all.

==Attain Sburb

You triumphantly proceed to the mailbox, however as you open the door to retrieve the prized disc you realize there is a large brown package on top of it. With some trepidation you realize this is the artifact you got on special order from one of your favorite fandom sites, a pile of Amazonian bones. Blech, you contemplate why you bought this thing in the first place.

==Now Attain Sburb

You captchalogue the package and retrieve the real prize, holding up the two discs in triumph.

==Contemplate The Meaning Of Two Discs

Now that is just silly, one is the server and the other is the client. Let's not forget the endless reading of the walkthroughs written by the previous players of Sburb beta and alpha.

==Scamper Back To Your Room

You cannot lass scamper mainly due to the fact you have way too much testosterone for that.

==Return To Your Room Without A Scamper

You attempt to sneak back into the front door but your dad is examining the broken lamp with an expression of anger. It's probably best to find another way in.

==Check The Back Door

You observe the back door that leads to the kitchen.

==Go Through The Door You Moron

Of course you're going through the door, you were about to do that. You enter the kitchen and observe the atmosphere that so reminds you of the seventies. You bet most of these contraptions still run on refrigeration fluid.

==Captchalogue Kitchen Knife

You immediately take the largest and deadliest looking knife from the chopping block. Knives really are a beautiful thing, the power of a knife with the speed of an arrow. Crap, please God don't let that be the sound of the kitchen door opening.

==Confront Father

Your paternal figure begins to rage in your general direction with many an obscene hand gesture or word. Honestly you don't have time for this bullshit right now, Sburb is calling, loudly.

==STRIFE

Cut it out with the loud text, you're beginning to sound a bit like the gray text girl; you know exactly what to do. However you aren't entirely sure how your kitchen knife and sonic screwdriver will fare against your father's pistol.

==STRIFE! STRIFE! STRIFE!

You lash out at your father with a quick aggreivance, he absconds instantly back to his football game citing words of unfair fights. You've won this round.

==Return To Room

You carefully take the route to your room that doesn't involve crossing between your father and the television by youth rolling behind the sofa. A quick run up the stairs finds you back in your room.

Oh look, someone's trolling you.

==Answer Troll

luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser

LD: Since you're up here talking to me I presume you've returned with the game?

CC: I may have left the game and made a break for it

LD: You have the game, boot it up

LD: I'm going to be your first connection

CC: What? I already made a deal with Romuli!

LD: Deals off, first come first serve, now boot it up

LD: Besides you're my server player anyway

CC: Oh, I guess I can act as your server

CC: But that seems a little risky, especially with the mood my dad's in

LD: Oh calm down will you? Romuli's busy setting up the other connections anyway

LD: Well, other connection, we're kind of at a loss for people

LD: Think you can find someone?

CC: Well I do know a few folks with the game…

CC: They may not be the best of chums though

LD: I think that fails to matter at this point, we're at something of a crucial juncture

CC: Aishae, I really don't think they'd be cut out for this

CC: At all

LD: Are they gamers?

CC: Not plural

LD: Just go for it please

LD: But open up your server player first I'm ready to go

CC: Yeah, yeah, on it

cometChaser ceased pestering luckyDragongirl

==Boot Server

Actually you had better contact those other two idiots while you're at it. You keep a pretty clean chum roster and there are actually only a few chums left to contact at all.

==Contact Chum

With more than a little trepidation you open up the pesterlog of one of your more annoying compatriots.

cometChaser began pestering snowyOwl

CC: As much as I infinitely hate to ask, I know you have a copy of Sburb

CC: On behalf of my group I would like to formally invite you to join our server loop

SO: I really wasn't planning on playing this :/

CC: Sal, come on

SO: I honestly had no intention of it, my brother got two copies and gave on to me you know that, why would I want to play it?

CC: Because we need your help

SO: You and the weird alien people I assume?

SO: Forget it, I don't talk to strangers

CC: Then stay silent and play the game

SO: That sounds like cheating somehow

CC: You're insufferable you know that?

SO: I try

CC: What are you angling for?  
SO: Well you know my birthday's coming up…

CC: What is it you want?

SO: There's a twenty pound polar bear plushie, mail order only, take it or leave it

CC: …

SO: I could just throw this game away…

CC: …

SO: Fine, how about a bowl of ice cream, plus sized

CC: I'll get you a coupon

SO: No hacking it

SO: How do I use this thing anyway?

CC: It's really easy, when your turn rolls around boot your server player to serve someone's client

CC: Then you just play I guess

SO: So you don't even need me yet?

CC: No, but you'll have to be ready

SO: Make it two bowls for the extra trouble

CC: Fine, but are you in or are you out?

SO: I'm in

SO: Who knows this might actually be fun, for a video game that is

snowyOwl ceased pestering cometChaser

snowyOwl began pestering cometChaser

SO: By the way, how is Aishae?

SO: I am kind of curious

cometChaser ceased pestering snowyOwl

==Contact Other Annoying Friend

cometChaser began pestering zombiesBlade

CC: I take it you're not playing Sburb either?

ZB: Dude

ZB: I've been waiting here for minutes for this thing to boot

ZB: And it's not doing anything

ZB: Because no one's being my client

ZB: This is trippy man

CC: Dude are you drunk?

ZB: Of course not

CC: You're stoned

ZB: Daaaaaaaamn Straaaaaaaight

CC: I'll talk to you later…

ZB: No may wan

ZB: way* man*

ZB: I know exactly what you need

ZB: Yous lookin for a server right?

CC: A server player to join the link chain actually, not for me

ZB: Either way…

ZB: How longs my turn gonna take?

CC: My guess is a few hours

ZB: I should be sober by then

ZB: You can count on me bro, you'll never find a better player of this game!

CC: I'm hesitant

zombiesBlade ceased pestering cometChaser

==Be The Girl

Which girl? Just within the past few minutes you've talked to two of them.

==Be The Troll Girl

As long as you have nothing better to do…

The screen changes, you are now the troll girl.

==Enter Name

"Blabbery Loudmouth"

Are you joking? For one that would break the sacred rules of the troll kind of having two names both of six letters.

==Try Again

"Aishae Neoxia"

That's more like it.

You are now Aishae, a young troll of six solar sweeps. Your hive is cluttered, just the way you like it, with various items of mixed interest. You really don't know why you have most of this junk. If you were on a graphic viewer of Homestuck you would not need to mention you have long hair and horns that curl up suspiciously like a heart shape. You can hear the heavy breathing of your lusus somewhere in the basement.

==Take A More Specific Look Around

That's actually not a bad idea; the author didn't exactly give you the clearest picture. Your room is cluttered, mainly with various plush dolls of various allegiances. On your desk next to a truly adorable little dragon is your dragon top. You have an entire half of your room devoted to dragon plushies. Did you mention you are pretty much obsessed with dragons?

==Give Up Dragons Forever

No

==Examine Dragontop

The dragontop is of course a computer with another adorable dragon on it. You see no real reason to open it up; you just got done pestering Umbrus.

Oh, looks like your moirail is trying to get in touch with you.

==Troll Moirail

luckyDragongirl began trolling empressButterfly

EB: Um…

EB: Aishae…

EB: Are you there…?

LD: Sure am sweet cheeks, what can I do you for?

EB: Um…

EB: I was just wondering…

EB: When was I supposed to log into the server?

EB: You still haven't told me…

LD: Oh don't worry; commie's got that taken care of

LD: Once he rounds up our last two compatriots we'll have the whole order ready

EB: Oh…

EB: Okay…

LD: Based on my charts…

LD: You're coming in right after Comet's first friend then playing server for his second friend

EB: Okay…

LD: Don't worry if anyone can get this covered its commie

EB: I know…

LD: You'll never tell him I called him that right?

EB: Of course not, I couldn't

LD: Thanks!

EB: What are Moirails for?

LD: Keeping each other in check right?

LD: Dang it, this is confusing even for me and I'm an expert

EB: …

LD: Whatever, you know I'm right gal pal

EB: mhmm…

LD: Cheer up will you

LD: And hey, I'm supposed to be connecting to commie right here right now but I think I misplaced my client disc

LD: Could you pretty please use your awesome hacking ability to send me the data?

EB: Aishae, I couldn't!

EB: That's so against the rules…

LD: Please?

EB: I can't

EB: I really mustn't…

LD: Do it pupae!

empressButterfly ceased trolling luckyDragongirl

luckyDragongirl began trolling empressButterfly

LD: Zeldia sweetie… I'm sorry…

EB: That's okay

EB: I've got the game ready for you

LD: Really?

LD: Or you're the best friend a troll could have!

EB: I'm sending it to you now

EB: Have fun with your future matesprite

LD: Which you will never tell him

EB: Never

LD: Here I go

luckyDragongirl ceased trolling empressButterfly

==Launch Sgrub

Looks like you're still downloading; maybe you should find something else to occupy your time while Zeldia does her job. You really don't know what you would do without her. You've been best friends forever.

==Fantasize About Umbrus

You really shouldn't…

But in the end you realize you have to. You can only imagine based on his intelligent wording and masculine green text he is a kind and nurturing troll. Maybe handsome too, with huge horns.

Not like Romuli.

His horns are like sharpened nubs.

==Reality Check

Of course you've never really met this guy; after all how a person speaks doesn't necessarily determine what they look like. Sure it's plenty likely he's awesome simply since he hasn't bragged about himself yet, but that doesn't determine squat. "He" may actually be a girl (perish the thought of there being women on the internet besides yourself and your precious moirail). Bleauh, let's think of something else.

==Question Text Color

You have gray text because gray is the second most reasonable color to use. The first most reasonable color was black, which is your favorite color, but black is the default color which makes it boring. You do, however, change your text color to pink for a short while, just to make things fun.

Oh, looks like Zeldia's got the game loaded for you.

==Troll Umbrus

luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser

LD: Hey, are you there or what?

CC: I've been waiting here with the server running since you told me to over half an hour ago.

LD: Well I've been waiting too, why didn't you connect?

CC: Because you weren't there

CC: Actually you still aren't

CC: I think there may be something wrong with the system

LD: What? The game's been tested over and over what could be wrong with it?

CC: It's probably a connection problem; maybe we should have your hacker friend check the code.

LD: Speaking of her, she's visible

CC: She is…?

CC: I wonder why that is, must be a problem with my Sburb then

LD: Yeah and Romuli just came on, it's defiantly a problem with yours

CC: I don't see him either, damn, you're probably right

LD: Well get around to fixing it and then connect with me

CC: Why don't you just connect to one of your other friends while we're waiting?

LD: Because I've got the graph already figured out

LD: We can't go screwing with it now

CC: Fine…

CC: Wait… you know there is one thing…

LD: What is it?

CC: A bit of coding I just got which looks like it may go with Sburb

LD: Well load it up come on!

CC: Alright give me a second

cometChaser ceased pestering luckyDragongirl

==Go Back To Being The Nerdy Human

You are about to go back to being the nerdy human when…

==Psyche!

You are now a rather intelligent troll. At least you assume yourself intelligent. Your hair is a misapplied mess, which you despise because misapplied is not even a word. Your horns, which you sharpen daily, just barely poke out of the fur. What will you do now?

==Examine Hive

You cast a rather hesitant glance around your hive; it makes you somewhat claustrophobic at times. You can't imagine any troll ever had such an extensive collection of books which fill shelves floor to ceiling on every wall. The ones you have direct interest in at the current moment, whether for reading or fighting, are piled up around your computer desk. You really have no definite way to get away from your computer with all this crap piled everywhere and many a time you've had your prickly little lusus bring you food and chamber pots so you don't have to perform the arduous task of cleaning this place. Goddamned books, you feel like a certain cartoon character with an aptitude for magical practices.

==Examine Blood

You really don't see any reason to pay the vial of purple blood on your desk more than a moment's notice. Your lusus is curled up beside it for warmth as is usually the case and the purple on white contrast does nothing to change your complexion in any way shape or form. You are proud of your blood though, purple, but not too purple. You would sure hate to be one of those slippery fish trolls, how disgusting…

==Pet Lusus

You run a hand over your small lusus and immediately receive a palm full of pokey prickles. That was stupid. Who in their right mind ever thought it was a good idea to pet a porcupine?

On the subject of stupid, it looks like that sea dweller is messaging you.

==Indulge Sea Dweller

empressButterfly began trolling cerebralLight

EB: um…

EB: hello Romuli

CL: If you would do me the honor of speaking at the regular pace and tone of us measly surface dwellers I would be very grateful

CL: Your highness…

EB: Oh!

EB: I'm so sorry…

EB: I really don't want to be a bother…

EB: I'll try harder…

CL: What have you interrupted me for fish?

CL: If your just here to stutter swim on home I don't have time for you

EB: No, it's not that

EB: I'm so sorry I would make you think that

CL: Just spit it out already

EB: Um you see

EB: Aishae was about to start the round of Sgrub and I wanted to know if you already knew where you were in position

CL: I yank Umbrus into the game and get pulled in by one of his friends

CL: I know what I'm doing squid

EB: Please don't call me squid…

EB: That is… if you don't mind…

CL: Of course not your regal scaliness

CL: Swim on home and get ready to play

EB: Of…of course…

empressButterfly ceased trolling cerebralLight

==Immediately Feel Horrifyingly Guilty

Of course you feel guilty. That little sea dweller is the single most adorable creature you ever laid eyes on. And you've never even seen her. You shed a manly tear for offending her so. Though it is your duty to not appear weak in the eyes of the highest blood, damn those deep purple people.

==Seek Other Trolls

The only other trolls online at the moment are Aishae, who you despise, and Umbrus, who you know is busy. It's probably better to just wait for your turn to connect to the server.

Hold on, looks like Umbrus opened a memo.

==Read Memo

This action is repeated by a number of other trolls.

cometChaser opened memo #Shadowyspectrums

cometChaser blocked cerebralLight from commenting

cometChaser blocked snowyOwl from commenting

cometChaser blocked zombiesBlade from commenting

cometChaser blocked empressButterfly from commenting

CLD: Hey! Umbrus! What's up with this?

cometChaser blocked luckyDragongirl from commenting

CCC: Alright now that I have made absolutely certain I can address this group uninterrupted I am going to read out our official plan of entry.

CCC: According to the walkthrough (Spoiler Alert) the game includes a first gate leading to your home world and successive gates leading to the worlds of your other players.

CCC: When you enter one player's world you may interact with them.

CCC: At the end of the server chain is the final gate where you do battle with the final boss.

CCC: With the intention of winning this game with the highest accuracy possible the plan is as follows (End Spoiler Alert)

CCC: LD will connect with CC as a server player for the first connection, when LD joins CC in his world they will progress together onto CL's world. From there the group will move onto SO's world, then to EB's world and finishing up and ZB's world.

CCC: I say finishing although the final battle will indeed be waged in another world in some indefinite point between ZB's world and LD's world.

FEB: Um… excuse me… Umbrus…

CCC: Oh yes… I forgot your expert hacking skills…

FEB: It's just you forgot the god tier

CCC: (Spoiler Alert)

CCC: What god tier?

FEB: At the highest place in each land there is a special quest bed

FEB: Once you reach the highest rung of the echeladder you can sleep in that bed to ascend to the god tier and gain a huge amount of extra power

CCC: …

CCC: I knew that

CCC: (Spoiler Alert End)

CCC: Before we fight the final boss however, we will make one successive loop around the worlds to collect the final levels, or god tiers.

CCC: We will progress in the same order that we did originally because not only will these characters have the highest chance of being at the top of their echeladder, it's only fair that they wait a little less for entering the game first.

CCC: Over and out

cometChaser closed the memo #Shadowyspectrums

==Fulfill Your Part Of The Intrepid Plan

Unfortunately you cannot yet fulfill your part of the intrepid plan because first that moron Umbrus has to guide Aishae into his world, which may take up most of the afternoon. You switch to a far more interesting website involving adventures of the MS paint kind

==This Is Boring Be The Other Guy Again

You are now the other guy.

Or did you mean the guy with the kitchen knives and obnoxious father?

Oh no, you are now this guy.

==Who Is This Douche?

You are now Henry. Henry has no last name because last names are stupid and pointless. Your chumhandle is zombiesBlade, which is only one word, thank god. Now if only you had graphics so you wouldn't have to describe your long greasy hair, pale skin, stupid sunglasses, and distinct lack of horns. Sadly you are not a troll. You are not even sure what a troll is, only that the idiot cerebralLight keeps mentioning it. You don't care to talk to cerebral much though; lately you've only been using pesterchum to watch that morsel empressButterfly. Honestly you don't know any names here except Umbrus, because he has a bad habit of letting that slip. You've wasted quite a few minutes reviewing these thoughts.

==Examine Room

Posters. Oh god you love posters. Especially the many you have of Hollywood beauties in the most scandalous of situations. They cover your entire walls and ceiling, door and desk. Once or twice you considered getting rid of them but you always realized that that was stupid. Aside from the posters you have the ashes of your dead mother and father sitting in the corner. Those are kind of people you would rather forget, and a large supply of totally legal opiates makes this job all the easier.

For short periods of time at least…

Maybe you should take Umbrus' advice; vodka is always good for long term forgetfulness.

Aside from all of this you have your laptop, whose broken screen has forced you to only use pesterchum with the read aloud option. It's really annoying not being able to check your history. Or turn off the computer for that matter. There's also a display case for your video game swag. You have video games, you never play them, but you always have to have more than Umbrus. Doesn't matter how much you hate it.

==Pose With Awesome Shades

You take a moment to look supernaturally hard boiled. So much swag.

Hold on, one of your chums is pestering you.

==Indulge Chum

snowyOwl began pestering zombiesBlade

SO: HEEEELLLOOOO

SO: PURPLE MONKEY TIME!

ZB: Shut up!

ZB: I'm trying to sober up and you are doing the opposite of helping!

SO: Is Umbrus trying to make you sober so you can get on Sburb?

SO: He bribed me into playing it.

ZB: Don't diss Umbrus I think he really might be onto something for once.

SO: :(

SO: I thought you hated video games…

ZB: I usually do

ZB: But the thought of being in total control of the other player's fate…

ZB: I like this…

SO: You're so weird…

ZB: Oh come on! Don't pretend to me you wouldn't love to control someone's will just for a minute?

SO: Did you even read Umbrus' memo?

ZB: Um…what memo?

SO: _**#Shadowyspectrum**_

ZB: Uh…

ZB: What about it?

SO: Did you read it?

ZB: No…

SO: - performs a 2x face palm combo—

ZB: Look, sweetie, my hangover just started

SO: snowy*

ZB: Whatever!

ZB: I have no idea what Umbrus' old ramblings mean

SO: You're entering the game last

SO: Meaning you're not going to be anyone's server

SO: Meaning no cool god stuff

ZB: Oh…

ZB: Fuck…

ZB: Oh wait!

ZB: What about this god tier thing?

ZB: That sounds just as good

SO: Quite honestly I'm not sure what Zeldia's talking about there, I didn't read that in the walkthrough

ZB: You read the walkthrough?

SO: I want to be prepared

SO: But it was really just a glorified instruction manual

SO: It didn't give any tips about the story at all, or cheat codes, just showed me how to play

ZB: Well that puts you ahead of me…

SO: It isn't hard…

ZB: Well I'm ready for when my turn comes

ZB: Let Umbrus know I'm AWOL

SO: A Okay you mean?

ZB: Yes…

SO: I'll get right on that…

snowyOwl ceased pestering zombiesBlade

==Be Annoyed With The Owl Girl

There's no need to call her the owl girl, you know her name is Sally Warner, heir to the Warner brothers' infamous logo. And anyway, you're virtually always annoyed with that little prude.

==Be The Owl Girl

For the second time…

You are now the owl girl. Due to a continued lack of imagery we are forced to discuss your long blonde hair, blue eyes, and virtually always smiling face. If it weren't for your increasingly maniac personally you may actually be considered cute. Your name is Sally Warner.

==Examine Hive

You live in a house moron, though your continued correspondence with your three horned friends sometimes makes you confused sometimes. You don't actually know they have horns though, they just say so. You have no reason not to believe them anyway.

Your house is something of a zoo. Thanks to your heritage you have enough money to convert the whole place into a petting zoo. You have a special fondness for monkeys, like the one who seems to be pestering one of your chums.

Before you get around to that however, you look around your own room. There are no animals in here other than your special monkey friend, and you have the fullest intention of keeping it that way. Instead you have a wide variety of plants that almost entirely hide the only two pieces of furniture in the room. Your computer desk and your bed. You only only have these two pieces of furniture because you have absolutely no need for any others.

==Pester Chum

You push the monkey out of the way and take a look at the damage.

snowyOwl began pestering cometChaser

SO: ahdofahifdoajdfjoa

CC: Sal?

SO: oooahadiahooohadaka

CC: I don't have time for this…

SO: asoidfhaoidjakldosahnzoickda s

SO :daoihdfaiojaomonssey

CC: Sal I mean it!

CC: I'm getting tired of this!

SO: Oh my god I'm sorry!

SO: I wasn't spamming you I swear!

CC: Yeah, the purple monkey in front of your computer was.

SO: Exactly

CC: I seriously have no time for this…

SO: What are you doing?

CC: I'm about to connect to Sburb for the first connection

SO: Oh right your connecting to Aishae aren't you?

CC: Yes I just told you that

SO: How is she?

CC: Fine, I hope, I still haven't gotten the connection going

CC: Can I log out now?

SO: I suppose…

CC: Something else on your mind?

SO: I'm just not sure I want to sit here in front of the computer this whole time while I'm waiting

CC: Have you checked out ms paint adventures lately?

SO: Oh! No I haven't!

SO: I'd better go check that out, thanks for reminding me

snowyOwl ceased pestering cometChaser

==Check MS Paint Adventures

You are sure that Umbrus was left in a state of mild confusion because of all of this, which is a good thing. You sure love leaving your friends in a state of confusion. It makes you feel all fuzzy inside.

Oh yeah, MS Paint!

You get around to doing that…

==Psyche!

Dang it, that was supposed to be a surprise.

Oh well no fooling you.

You are now the fish girl. You've been meaning to install the graphics card that allows you to not describe your extra gills or long hair that goes almost down to your feet. Your horns are extra long, probably due to your increasingly annoying royalty status. Did you say annoying? Oh gosh… You would hate to offend anyone by saying that! After all you are very shy.

==Look Around Your Hive

The name for an underwater hive escaping you for you really have no care for such things, you cast your gaze around. Your fairy like lusus hovers a few feet away (swims?) silent as usual. Spinning in your seal-lusus chair lets you see your conch shell computer desk, golden columns in the doorway, velvet water treated mats, and giant windows with prime views of the oceanic sunset.

Just because you aren't proud of your royalty status doesn't mean you can't use it right…?

==Pat Lusus

Seeing how you really can't pet your lusus without causing violent harm you abscond from this gesture.

It looks like the mustard blood is pestering you, oh how you wish it could've been that purple land dweller. He has his own sort of nerdy charm…

==Observe Possible Shipping

You are now the author.

You regret to inform any readers that while there will be plenty of it later; the shipping of these incredible original characters is going to have to wait.

Yes I observed the fact that the girls are doing all the fawning, which if you think about it typical unless the men in question are total douche bags. This is surprisingly often… A more acceptable explanation is that Umbrus is too aloof, Romuli is too reclusive, and Henry is too stoned. Aishae is a fan girl, Zeldia is shy, and Sally is a psycho.

Hoping that I've put all the characters personalities into bright light under the title of shipping can we get back to our fish girl?

==Get Back To Fish Girl

You finish a conversation with Aishae that you had a few scenes back and prepare a hacked version of Sgrub for her. If you weren't so nice you would be really annoyed with her. However you keep a stiff upper lip and send her the file, which she should be able to boot any minute.

==Turn On Your File So You Can Be Prepared

You know you're the next to last person to enter the game, but you launch both your server and client files just in case. The username cerebralLight blinks to life on the screen though no one else seems to.

==Ponder The Lack Of Names

It is kind of weird, Umbrus at least should be ready to go so he can play server for Aishae. If he hasn't booted up his game yet he really can't blame her for not having hers. Huh…

==Go Back To What Umbrus Is Up To

You are Umbrus again. During your wait for Aishae to get here you have spotted Henry's and Sally's usernames burst into life on your Sburb. You contemplated changing to plan to accommodate but that would probably take more time than waiting for Aishae. Something must be wrong with one of your connections, she said she saw Romuli but you don't see him. Of course she sees neither of your friends so it's a little bit of a toss up.

==Observe Sbridge File

You really don't want to but you cast your gaze to the word file. It seems short sweet and to the point, and is obviously a plug in for Sburb. At first you did think it was a virus, but you're good enough with programming to know that there are no conflicting codes here. You then thought it was an add-on for the game that this guy wanted to sluff, but there's not nearly enough detail for that. It almost looks like a program part to help connect systems, but you should already have that, the names zombiesBlade and snowyOwl blinking to life on your computer screen are proof enough of that. What to do…?

==Program Code

It's been a damn long time since you worked with any sort of code, you really didn't have the touch for it. Zeldia has godlike manipulation of it which you kind of envy but right now you have bigger fish to fry. This time it should be a matter of simply copy-pasting the code into JavaScript, which you're kind of thankful for.

==Add New Program To Sburb

You take a moment to contemplate the automatic shortcut on your desktop that was created when you encoded Sbridge. It looks like the logo from Sburb connecting by a chain to some other logo, purple, maybe an upgraded version? Perhaps you have just received a beta without realizing it. This might be nifty. Unfortunately you cannot add this program to Sburb, it is independent, that is unless you want to butcher both codes which you really don't have the time or skill to do.

==Launch Sbridge

Hesitantly you double click the strange icon.

It instantly disappears.

Before you can even question what this might mean for your computer three more familiar usernames appear on your Sburb screen including the one you were on pins and needles awaiting. It's about time really.

==Connect To luckyDragongirl

You boot your server to connect with the loudmouth.

In a galaxy far, far away, the loudmouth launches her client file.

==Game On

The loading screen begins; both parties are given repeated glances at their own, and a mysterious world. They can both tell instantly that this is all going to be great fun, but somewhere even further away than they are from each other; a desperate planet begins opening gates.

==Ponder Omnipotent Development

As you watch the rocks from space float through the strange spirographs you debate whether or not you can really comprehend all that's going on here. Of course naturally you have the power, all you had to do to get that was to click on this Fanfiction and read it. Well congratulations it's about time to get this story really rolling.

Oh wait…

That's the end of the first act.

Guess you have a bit of a wait ahead of you.

==Play Intermission

There is no intermission to be played instead I give you two words in fancy font courtesy of another one of MS's notoriously good items, Word.

End Of act 1


	2. Sbridge Act 2

Sbridge Act 2

The Game's Afoot

==Play Sburb

You cannot play Sburb, you are a troll Aishae you moron. You have the game Sgrub which just so happened to finish loading.

Nothing else is happening.

You take a moment to wonder what the hell is going on, the only thing on your screen is a spirograph, that and the obnoxious pestering of your would be server player.

==Answer Umbrus

cometChaser began pestering luckyDragongirl

CC: Alright I see you, sweet character btw; the horns are a brilliant touch

LD: I think something's wrong with my game

CC: What makes you say that?

LD: All I have on my screen is a stupid circle pattern thingumadoodad

CC: Well it looks like your characters playing a computer, maybe it's a glorified loading screen

CC: Get some food or something while you wait this may take awhile

LD: Okay

CC: Wait! Your character just stood up.

LD: Oh lemme see!

CC: And sat back down…

LD: Are you trying to screw with me?

CC: Now she looks angry, who's screwing with whom now?

CC: You're the one copycatting your character

LD: What?

LD: That is preposterous

CC: Whatever, I've got some controls i'm going to start using them

CC: Look out below

==Umbrus: Deploy Kruxtruder

You take that big circular thing with the tube coming out of it from the dock and place it behind Aishae's character that jumps appreciatively. The NPC on this thing is outstanding if nothing else. You take a moment to wonder what exactly that thing is for.

Hold on, she's angry with you.

==Find Out Why She's Angry

LD: Umbrus!

LD: A huge thing just landed in my hive!

CC: What does that mean…?

LD: There's a random machinery doodad behind me and it wasn't there a second ago!

CC: Oh…

CC: The realization is slowly dawning on me…

LD: Oh grub…

LD: Please tell me you didn't put that there

CC: Sorry, I put that there

LD: I'm actually inside the game…

CC: So it appears

LD: I'm going to take this calmly and pretend I knew all along, alright?

CC: That is probably the best idea

CC: But while you're doing that why don't you find out what that machine does?

CC: I'm a little curious

LD: Fine, but only because I was going to anyway…

==Aishae: Discover How This Machine Works

You attempt to turn the wheel conspicuously jutting out from the side, but its jammed shut. You beat on it for a little while to try and get it to work until another machine thing appears to your left, scattering your precious dragon plushies.

Oh you are going to murder Umbrus…

==Umbrus: Drop Something Heavy On Kruxtruder

She doesn't seem too happy with the new device…

However she is having some trouble with the first one. You lift up her computer desk and drop it on the machine. She seems to heavily protest this action but the top pops right off the device. In the spirit of the moment you deploy the device labeled "totem lathe" right next to it. Aishae only seems to be getting angrier.

==Aishae: Throw A Tantrum

You are in the mood to tantrum sure but there are more important things to do…

There is suddenly a dull thud from above.

Oh you are going to murder him once you get to his world, first priority.

LD: What was that then?

CC: Well the one I just busted open was the Kruxtruder

CC: The thinnish one next to it is the totem lathe

CC: And I just put the alchemiter on your roof

CC: There's a lot of other cool stuff but we don't have the grist for it

LD: How do you get grist?

CC: Beats the heck outta me

CC: Hold on, what's that?

==Aishae: What Is That?

That is a kernalsprite, though right now you have no idea of that fact. You and the sprite regard each other in a neutral fashion.

==Aishae: Throw Something At The Sentient Spirograph

That doesn't seem like a great idea, besides it sounds like your lusus is throwing a fit downstairs.

LD: Will you excuse me for a second?

CC: Why? What is it?

LD: My lusus is making noise

CC: Lusus?

LD: Please Umbrus…

CC: Alright, but I've got an eye on you

==Aishae: See Why The Lusus Is Complaining

You proceed downstairs to indulge your more than probably hungry lusus…

Oh my god!

One of the pipes that feed your air conditioning has burst clean off and impaled the dragon like lusus. You watch in horror as the mustard yellow blood splatters. You can't believe this!

==Aishae: Rescue Lusus

Sadly it looks like it's too late for the poor, beautiful beast. The moment you yank that pipe out she's going to bleed to death. You hold her close, your red eyes meeting her huge orange ones one last time. You whisper comforting words, and then with a heavy heart, wrench the pipe out of her.

==Umbrus: Do Something Productive While The Dragon Girl Does Her Thing

You were absolutely going to do that after you followed her with your screen, but when you traveled downstairs you saw some sort of dragon beast dying. The scene that unfolded left you too choked up to do anything else. Come on Umbrus, don't succumb to this, be emotionless, and be strong.

Who are you kidding? You burst out sobbing on the computer.

==Aishae: Sob

You weep over your lost lusus; she was the most majestic thing you ever knew. It's a little bit cliché and more than a little sappy but you really can't help yourself. Goodbye… lusus…

==Umbrus: Seek Solution

You simply can't let such an unfair occurrence go unsolved; you re-scour the old Sburb walkthrough for anything that could help. It's a little silly to go to all this trouble for a programmed monster but what can it hurt?

Oh, that's awfully convenient…

==Umbrus: Provide Solution

CC: Aishae…

LD: Umbrus I'm taking a little break from the game for a minute…

CC: Aishae, listen to me

CC: Bring the body upstairs

LD: Umbrus, not now

CC: Aishae, trust me

CC: Please

LD: …

CC: Please

LD: If you're yanking me on…

CC: I promise, I'm not

LD: I'm moving…

==Aishae: Follow Umbrus' Directions

You take a good hour or so dragging the body of your lusus upstairs, damnit if Umbrus is leading you on you may actually kill him this time.

Interesting… that floaty spiral thing seems almost to be pondering your dead lusus, you would recommend to it to back away swiftly lest suffer your wrath.

==Aishae: Deliver Retribution To Spiral

You are about the bat the thing away when it suddenly makes contact with your lusus, both of them disappearing in a flash of light. You recoil back a bit and glare against the light.

By the time you get the chance to look again you see instead of the spiral pattern or the lusus, a floating dragon's head. You stare in awe.

==Umbrus: Enjoy The Spoils Of Victory

LD: Umbrus…

LD: How did you…?

CC: Walkthrough, full of useful hints and tips

LD: I would hug you if I could!

LD: Thank you so much!

CC: Hey, it's my job as server player isn't it?

LD: Hehehe, I guess

CC: You're blushing

CC: I see it on the screen

LD: Oh… am I?

CC: It's a little yellow though, I'm not entirely sure why that is, part of your character?

LD: Oh…no…

LD: I'm yellow blooded

LD: I probably should've mentioned it huh?

CC: Hey I don't care what color your blood is

LD: Oh

LD: That's good

CC: Now get back to that game!

CC: You can combine that sprite with one more thing, make it deadly

LD: Ha-ha, is my dragon not enough for you?

CC: Maybe something to add to your luck!

LD: Yeah!

==Aishae: Add Something Lucky To Lusussprite

Hiding you growing yellow blush you quickly grab your weapon of choice, the silver claws, from their place on your cocoon side table and toss it into the sprite. There is yet another glow.

==Umbrus: Revel In Newfound Glory

Glory?

You just got a hot chic on the internet to not only flirt with you but you suspect admire you?

You call that glory?

I most certainly do not.

I call it a masterful achievement worthy of nothing less than a god among men.

You do not revel.

You bask.

==Aishae: Alert Zeldia

luckyDragongirl began pestering empressButterfly

LD: ZELDIA

LD: OH MY GOD

EB: Aishae! What happened?

EB: Are you alright?

LD: Oh I'm more than alright.

LD: I'm floating in the land of flushed heaven.

EB: Oh… me too

LD: Really?

EB: He he…

EB: I've been chatting with Romuli…

EB: He seems…

EB: Nice…

LD: Aw… does someone have a flush crush?

EB: eep!

EB: I'm so purple right now…

LD: Don't take it personally girlfriend

LD: Umbrus is being my server player

LD: He's so kind, my lusus got into an accident and he saved her!

EB: Oh my…

EB: That makes two quadrants for both of us…

LD: And who cares about the other two?

EB: The drone…

EB: eep…

LD: Alright so it is important

LD: Eventually

LD: You're playing Romuli's server right?

EB: Oh no

EB: That's Snowy

EB: I'm server for the zombie man

LD: Oh, that makes sense I guess

LD: This chain doesn't make much sense to me

EB: It makes more sense than this quadrant deal…

LD: Don't worry; you've got the expert of shipping on your side

LD: Look, I gotta get back to the game Umbrus seems worried about something

EB: Okay

EB: Bye Aishae

LD: Bye Zeldia

luckyDragongirl ceased pestering empressButterfly

==Aishae: Indulge Dreamy Boy

CC: Aishae, could you look behind you?

CC: Now please

CC: Aishae!

CC: AISHAE!

LD: Yes?

CC: BEHIND YOU!

LD: Hmm?

==Aishae: Look Back…

You look back and find yourself face to face with a short black creature with an elongated snout, you leap back at once. What is that think? It's wielding a pair of your claws as a weapon. You know what to do…

==Aishae: Strife!

You draw your own infamous obsidian claws and begin the battle.

Well, not much of a battle.

More like beheading the thing in one quick blow.

It explodes into a bunch of crystals that look like blue grub snacks, how disgusting. You pick them up anyway; maybe Umbrus knows what to do with them.

==Umbrus: Know What To Do

Quite honestly you have absolutely no idea what to do with the giant gushers. Obvious not eat them, your pretty sure they're made of crystal. Building with them seems totally redundant that freaky three dimensional hexagon looks totally impossible to balance.

Back to the walkthrough…

==Aishae: Peer Out Window

You take a moment to seek out possible entry points in your hive in which the strange creature could've entered. You don't find any, but you take a moment to ponder the red dot way up in the night sky. What could that possibly be?

==Aishae: Look Again At The Kruxtruder

You look at the Kruxtruder again and notice a countdown clock on the bottom reading 9:34, 9:33, 9:32, by seconds obviously. This seems ominous somehow.

==Aishae: Consult Dragonsprite

You take an awkward moment to indulge your old habit of talking to your lusus. Umbrus might be watching but you're sure he'll understand.

LD: I don't suppose you know what to do?

DS: As a matter of fact I think I do

LD: gasp!

LD: you can talk?

DS: I can now, that's how it works now I'm a sprite

LD: Oh grub…

DS: As I was saying, that's the countdown to the meteor on course to murder you

DS: You need to get your pre punched card and alchemize it to stop it

LD: I'm sorry; I didn't understand any of that

DS: I'm sorry

DS: I thought Umbrus was instructing you

LD: He is! He just hasn't gotten to that part

DS: Well you see the grist you've been collecting?

LD: The giant crystal grub snacks?

DS: Yes those

DS: Those are ingredients to build items in the alchemiter

LD: I still haven't seen that one yet

DS: Let me explain in entirety

DS: When you captchalogue something you can punch it with a code, any code actually for any item

LD: With this funny desk machine?

DS: That's right! You always were such a clever girl

DS: After you punch the card you take that card and any cards you want to combine it with to the totem lathe, and then carve a totem out of kruxite which you get from the Kruxtruder

LD: Great! I'll try it

DS: Hold on Aishae

DS: You need your pre punch first and since you have so little grist you should probably conserve it

LD: Aw…

LD: I should just kill more of those little black guys

DS: Imps, but no, it was lucky you even found one

LD: Why is that?

DS: Normally you only get to fight imps after you enter the game

DS: That imp fell out of the meteor that's on the way here, which even I don't know why it was there

LD: And I need the pre-punched card to enter the game?

DS: That's right

LD: Where do I get that?

DS: Oh, I have it right here, take it up and alchemize

LD: Oh

LD: Why didn't you get that for me earlier?

DS: You didn't ask!

==Aishae: Don't Facepalm

You fail miserably; it's almost as if your hand is magnetized to your face from the sheer sarcasm of this moment. Was your lusus always like this? You suppose you'll never know she couldn't talk before now…

==Aishae: Get To Alchemizing

You perform a happy lass scamper up to the roof where Umbrus has placed what looks like a huge circle for demonic worship. This must be the alchemiter dragonsprite was talking about. You place the card in the machine but nothing happens. You realize you forgot a crucial step, carving the totem. That little red spot doesn't look so little anymore…

==Aishae: Quick! Get The Totem!

You perform another lass scamper down to your room and get to work on that totem. First you turn that now un-stuck wheel and get a chunk of kruxite. You shove it into the totem lathe with all haste and enter the pre punched card. You carve an annoyingly complex totem and run it back up to the alchemiter.

==Aishae: Goddamnit Alchemize!

You insert both the card and the totem in the alchemiter and launch the damned thing. A huge gray tree grows on the demonic circle thing. You're not sure what to think of this as what looks like a huge blade grows down from the branches. That meteor is actually looking dangerously close, if you could look at the Kruxtruder right now you would be able to see that you've got less than a minute to get this figured out.

==Aishae: Impale Self On Blade

Are you joking? It seems like you're about to die anyway no need to speed it along!

==Aishae: Troll Umbrus

luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser

LD: UMBRUS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

CC: Okay I got it; you need to get the pre punched card from your sprite

LD: I DID THAT ALREADY!

CC: Oh, sorry, I see you now

CC: Crap, all the walkthrough says about this part is that it's different for everyone

LD: HOW DOES THAT HELP?

CC: Well what would you do if you had no obvious escape from the meteor?

LD: I WOULD DIE

CC: Aside from that…

LD: Well, probably pick up the biggest thing I could lift and hurl it at the thing…

LD: But that sounds kind of last resort

CC: Slash it

LD: What?

CC: Take the blade and slash the meteor

CC: Unless you have a better idea just go with it!

LD: Okay, I got it…

LD: Please grub let you be right about this…

CC: I hope I am too

CC: Here's to this not being the last time we talk

cometChaser ceased pestering luckyDragongirl

==Aishae: Do Your Best

That's all you can do at this point…

You pull the long blade off the tree, careful not to cut yourself, the thing doesn't seem to have a handle. You hold it over one shoulder as the flaming space rock approaches. You swing for the fences as it gets close!

Sparks fly from the blade and the meteor, bright blue surrounding your house in a nimbus of light. You hold for as long as you can before falling backward and blacking out.

==Umbrus: Be Horrified

Too late, you already are.

It looks like Aishae just kicked the bucket on you despite your best effort. You still aren't a hundred percent sure she actually got sucked into the game but she seemed pretty convincing. Well, as convincing as you can be through gray text on pesterchum. Only one thing to do now… push forward…

==Umbrus: Pester Romuli

cometChaser began pestering cerebralLight

CC: Hey, Romuli

CC: I think Aishae just lost the game

CC: I'm loading the client program

CL: Dude are you sure?

CL: I've never known her to lose anything…

CC: She just got cremated

CC: I'm pretty sure about it…

CL: Well that sucks

CC: Yep, but I figure all we can do now is keep at it

CL: What does your server screen show?

CC: Nothing, its gone blue screen of death.

CC: At least for the Sburb program…

CL: That's weird…

CC: Yeah, but we need to keep going, boot your program

CL: Done, connecting now

==Aishae: Come To

You open your eyes slowly; the first thing you notice is sand, and a lot of it. You're still on your roof but it's covered in a fine layer of grit. Did you destroy the meteor? Umbrus is going to go nuts about this!

==Aishae: Take A Look Around

You pull yourself up to a standing position and take a happy look around your home circle, and then frown in confusion.

This isn't your home circle; it looks nothing like your home circle.

Quite the contrary, you're on an island!

An island shaped like a kismesis sign!

Where the hell are you?

==Aishae: Take Stock Of Situation

Well you might as well…

You back way up to take a longer look at exactly where you are. There's an awful lot of ocean here, actually it looks like it's mostly sea. There sure are a lot of islands though which are interestingly all the shape of quadrants. Gosh, it's like you're in the land of shipping, and sea you suppose.

May want to ask Umbrus about this…

But not now, there seems to be a mass of creatures approaching from the water.

==Aishae: Observe Strange Creatures

More of those little black guys, they all seem to have dragon faces. As one breaks out of the water it lets out a fume of black some that catches fire a moment later.

This is awful to say the very least, little fire breathing creatures.

Of course then you remember these things are made of grist which you can get by killing them, things suddenly don't seem quite as bad.

==Aishae: Equip Claws

You slip on your obsidian claws again, prepared to slay some pesky… what were they called? Imps, you're pretty sure Umbrus called them imps. One thing to do now…

==Aishae: Go On A Killing Spree

You perform a perfect swan dive into the water below, slashing downward almost the moment you hit the deep blue waves. The water goes black with the imp's blood and huge amounts of grist pop up out of the water instead of what you expected to be body parts.

Boo yeah.

==Collect Spoils

Not only do you get a decent sides stack of shale grist and mercury you get enough experience to scale two rungs on the echeladder reaching the tier of Moirail Reader. Boon dollars fly. You send it immediately to the lusus shaped vault. You once heard Umbrus call it a pork hollow, how silly.

==Aishae: Spend Boon dollars

And what exactly do you propose I spend said boon dollars on?

==Aishae: On Awesome New Gear

Not only is there nowhere visible in this realm to purchase said awesome gear, you should really just alchemize it. Dragonsprite could help you with it and you could churn out some really sweet gear. As a matter of fact you should really get to that…

==Aishae: Alchemize Sweet Gear

You take a few cards from weapons, some potentially lethal looking things from your hive, and on a whim, a set of vampire teeth. You aren't sure what a vampire is; you bought it off a hive to hive peddler. Time to get cooking…

==Umbrus: In The Meantime

cometChaser began pestering cerebralLight

CC: Romuli! Be careful!

CL: Dude I'm not ruining anything but that weird pile of crap

CL: You really got a terrible place to start this session

CC: Hey! That's my house you're talking about!

CL: Yeah I know, the game sucks you in

CL: I'm making a point, clean up this rubbish

CC: Not really in the mood right now considering you just scattered everywhere with the Kruxtruder

CL: I had to clean a space come on man

CL: Don't be such a wet towel

CC: Just crack this thing open, I'm ready to sprite log something

CL: Got something in mind?

CC: Yes

CC: Yes I do

CL: Alright, go for it

==Umbrus: Collect Items To Spritelog

You quickly dash over to your dragon section and grab a black action figure. Aishae only thought her dragonsprite was cool; by golly you're going to have an even cooler dragonsprite. You hear a thud as something is dropped onto the Kruxtruder. Turning you see that Romuli has gone and dropped your authentic tardis onto the Kruxtruder. That thing cost you four hundred bucks on eBay! Oh well, he got the thing open…

==Umbrus: Spritelog Dragon

You give your best overhand throw and land the dragon figurine in the center of the sprite. You give a smirk as you see the dragon head appear in place of the spirograph. It's got a little scorpion tail out to the side of it; you guess the manufacturer made some sort of error making the figurine. Oh well, a little poison will make the thing a little more deadly.

==Umbrus: Spritelog Something Sonic

You pick up your sonic screwdriver and get ready to throw it into the dragoscorpsprite, boy, that's a mouthful. However just as you're about to chuck it in you spot it floating lazily toward the box you recently got in the mail.

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!

==Umbrus: Observe New Sprite

It takes you a minute to bring yourself to look…

Actually it's not too bad.

This thing, whatever it is, has your dragons head as well as a flowing lion's mane. Giant paws come out of the sides and instead of the wisp that Aishae's dragonsprite had, your new sprite has a huge scorpion's tail.

Boo Rah!

==Chat With New Sprite

CC: Well Aishae talked to her sprite, I suppose you can carry a conversation?

CS: Why yes, what's it to you?

CC: I just need some help with Sburb

CC: And killing any opponents

CS: I assume said opponents are edible?

CC: Actually no

CS: I don't see why I should help you

CC: My server player just deployed the alchemiter, meaning I can pretty much make whatever you would like

CC: Including a nice juicy steak

CS: A steak of what meat?

CC: I don't know, any kind I suppose

CS: Very well Umbrus Neox, you have my allegiance

CC: Awesome

CC: So what were you in life anyway? A lion I'm guessing

CS: That is correct

CS: I was the leader of a great pride

CC: That is perfect

CC: You see any imps kill them and bring me the grist

CS: This grist is used to create food?

CC: Yes, this grist is use to create food

CS: Than I shall do as you ask

==Umbrus: Contemplate Sprite's Initials

They stand for Chimera Sprite, obviously. You just came up with it.

==Umbrus: Attain Pre Punched Card

A quick look over at the Kruxtruder reveals you have fifteen minutes to get a move on. That card is with Chimera sprite, which just floated off in search of prey.

Whuh-oh…

==Umbrus: Pursue Chimerasprite

You take off in the general direction Chimearasprite went, probably toward the kitchen. You have a few ribeyes in the fridge, which he's probably gnawing on. Better go thaw it out for him.

==Aishae: Observe Sweet Gear

During the brief intermission where you observed the male human's silly journey begin, you got down to some serious alchemizing. Once or twice you had to go out and kill some clumps of imps but you've finally got your equipment.

For once you're actually glad there's no graphics, otherwise Umbrus might have seen you strip down to the bone and alchemize your clothes. The new black fur piratess two piece accents your curves beautifully, the familiar crescent moon symbol emblazoned on the shoulder to hold it on. You hope no one has a cold land though; your exposed tummy would probably freeze.

On a more offensive note you revamped your claws with orichalcum and mythril making them stronger than super pressured diamond. To top it off you put those vampire fangs to good use by creating the thunder fangs, paralyzing victims who feel the wrath of your bite. Though having something with that much electric power in your mouth may not be the best option, it is particularly lethal. Batteries and vampire fangs are so much fun.

As a finishing touch you let your hair cascade down your back. Style may be stupid but the glimpse of yourself you caught in the water was spectacular. Maybe you should troll Umbrus; he'd love to see this…

==Aishae: Troll Umbrus

luckyDragongirl began trolling cometChaser

LD: Umbrus!

LD: Umbrus?

LD: What are you up to?

CC: AISHAE!

CC: OH MY GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

LD: He he, I'm fine

LD: Don't' worry so much you're making me blush…

CC: That meteor hit you head on… how did you survive?

LD: Your idea totally worked!

LD: I got transported to my land, I'm alright!

CC: Whoa, that is awesome!

CC: What's your land like?

LD: Here, I've got a pic

LD: 

CC: Oh god…

CC: Is that you in the front?

LD: Yep! You like?

CC: Just let me wipe my nose, I think I'm bleeding

LD: Cute~

CC: I'm just not sure whether it's from the pic…

CC: Or the fact I just banged my head on the doorframe when my computer went off

LD: Oh…

CC: Oh, and I'm sorry but I started my round

CC: Since I thought you were dead I figured I would move on

LD: That's okay!

LD: I'll catch up to you before you know it!

CC: I won't leave my land until you get here

LD: How do I get there again?

CC: You need to locate the "second" gate

CC: The first gate is what sent you to your land

CC: The second one should be on the other side of your planet relative to your house

LD: I'll be moving then!

CC: Ha-ha! See you here then!

CC: Well not here, my land I suppose

LD: On my way!

luckyDragongirl ceased trolling cometChaser

==Umbrus: Wipe Nose

Yeah, the blood is definitely from the picture…

After a quick Kleenex you ponder again how you intend to get past your father to reach the scraping sound coming from the kitchen.

God you hope he doesn't get there first.

==Umbrus: Create A Distraction

You take out your sonic screwdriver again, man you wish this thing worked as more than just a universal remote. You change the television to BBC. Your dad hates BBC with all his heart and soul but before he can change it to something else you lock the channel with the parental controls. He has no idea how those work anyway.

==Umbrus: Youth Roll!

By performing a successful youth roll you make your way past your disgruntled father, who is busy banging the console's buttons, and into the kitchen.

Chimearasprite is indeed chewing on a frozen ribeye. Rather than attempt to pry it from his jaws you heat up another one and throw it to him. You would pester Romuli to distract your dad for the trip back but the sound of the alchemiter deploying on the veranda seems to have done the job for you already.

Anyway, your computer is a console.

==Umbrus: Captchalogue Computer

You sneak back to your room and grab the computer. You have all the intention in the world of turning it into something more portable the moment you can get access to the alchemiter.

Anyway, the Kruxtruder says you've got three minutes. You have absolutely got to get that pre punched card into the totem lathe.

After getting the kruxite.

This is hard…

==Umbrus: Do All Of The Above

You dash haphazardly between machines, tripping on more than one incredible useful bit of fandom paraphernalia. Who are you kidding? These things are mostly useless…

At any rate you've got the carved totem, but your dad is busy studying the alchemiter so you're not going to get to it any time soon.

One minute left…

He better move pretty damn fast, for both your sakes…

==Aishae: Get To The Portal

You're actually a bit busy right now.

Hiding…

Some sort of gigantic imp just rose up out of the water, and it's got a lion's mane.

You're not gigantically sure why it has the mane but you have the fullest intention of keeping well out of its way.

Right now it looks like dragonsprite is toying with the thing, making it chase her around your spade shaped little island. Seriously? How reckless can you get?

==Aishae: Strife!

What are you nuts?!

You have no interest in dying today and you're betting that's exactly what would happen if you were to strife that thing.

==Aishae: STRIFE! STRIFE! STRIFE!

Does that trick ever actually work…?

==Aishae: Abscond

Actually now that you think about it the imps didn't prove to be that much of a challenge, maybe you can actually take this guy. Absconding is of course never an option. Time to strife…

==Aishae: Lunge Into Battle

The first thing you do is climb back to the roof of your hive to get a good look at this new adversary. Its standing a little over fourteen feet tall and looks heavily muscled. It's equipped a big chunk of your hive's wall to clubkind strife specibus. That's vandalism!

You leap down from the roof and sink your teeth into this new foe, literally.

==Aishae: Aggrieve!

You paralyze the thing with your first attack. As it twitches on the ground you take the opportunity to vivisect it. You rip open its stomach and pull out huge handfuls of various grist until it bursts into the stuff.

This game really is for n00bs.

Better make something to cross the water with.

==Aishae: Alchemize Boat

Considering you have a massive amount of grist from that last strife you don't leave any details out of this ship. You combine the piece of your hive that the huge imp, which you decide to call an ogre, dropped. You alchemize a good few of these and add it to some sheets creating a decent sized boat. On a whim you decide to add your old obsidian claws to it, creating a rippling crystal effect along the sides, very deadly. Along with a computer dashboard and a few bottle rocket cannons you finally alchemize the perfect sailing ship.

DS: Ready for launch captain Aishae!

LD: Hoist the sails!

DS: Aye captain!

LD: Hard to port to begin! Let's get away from shore!

DS: Aye aye!

LD: Oh grub I can't wait to bring Umbrus here…

DS: I know, I've actually seen him you know

LD: You have?

DS: From a dream bubble in the few moments I spent in the afterlife

DS: I saw all your new friends; I think you're going to have a great run

LD: Was he hot? Was he dreamy?

DS: Well…

DS: He's everything you expect him to be…

DS: But somehow I don't think it's going to work out?

LD: Why…?

DS: I think I'll let you see for yourself

==Aishae: Ignore Dragonsprite, You've Got A Gate To Get To

You set sail at once!

The open ocean feels great on your skin, your hair blows in the wind, you've never been at sea before but if you had known it would be this great you would've made a point to make a trip. It inspires moiraillegience, maybe even love…

You HAVE to bring Umbrus here.

Whuh-oh, looks like you've got company…

==Aishae: Prepare Strife

Six legs, lizardly faces, and the wings taken from dragonsprite obviously. However just as you're about to strife this abomination (which you dub a basilisk) dragonsprite leaps up and sets it aflame. It looks like these creatures are mostly made of gasoline. After you bat down the flames and collect the grist you can see a heart shaped island coming into view. Several tortoises line the shore and seem to be shouting support to you. You give them a wave and continue on.

==Aishae: Look To The Horizon

You take a long distance look through the telescopic feature of your computer monitor. A few more basilisks appear as well as innumerable imps and a few ogres. Just within range of your telescope you can see something far larger than an ogre, but you have no intention of bothering that one just yet. Maybe with a little more training.

==Aishae: Examine Echeladder

You forgot to check after your last few fights but it looks like you scaled another rung or two on the echeladder moving up to Spade Master. All these points seem to have some sort of emphasis on relationships…

You wonder for a moment what that could mean.

==Aishae: Proceed

You're already proceeded; you couldn't be any more proceeding. Your boat is running at maximum capacity. Admittedly judging by the fact its wind powered that isn't saying a whole lot.

Note to self, add motor.

==Umbrus: Save House

Damnit dad, I've got thirty seconds, I'm not waiting for you anymore.

You perform a unique sort of strife and stick the knife in the wooden board next to your dad's head. He leaps away in fear and grabs his pistol. The idiot is still totally unaware of the meteorite mere yards away now steadily drawing closer. You shove the totem into the machine and activate it just in time to leap out of the way of another bullet.

Twenty seconds…

The tree spouts, a deep mold color. The fruit looks like some sort of shark fin, but you're not in the mood to figure out just what that means. You need to activate it as fast as possible and not get shot.

Ten seconds…

You try to pluck the fruit but your hand just fades right through it. That has to be bad. You swing around the alchemiter and kick your dad out of the way. You just don't have time for his shit right now.

Five seconds…

Fuck it; you slash the whole branch away. The moment the shark fin thing hits the ground it erupts into green light.

Yes! Time to get the hell out of here!

==Umbrus: Get The Hell Out Of There

The greenish light spreads out all over your house and everything goes black.

And stays black.

What's going on?

==Aishae: Find Something To Fight With

That really isn't a problem at this point. The further you go toward the other side of the planet the more imps there are. You're just letting dragonsprite steer the ship at this point while you leap around the boat slashing. You don't have any idea how these things jump out of the water and then spew fire. Gasoline isn't THAT flammable is it…?

==Aishae: Collect Spoils

You have plenty of spoils; at this point you're almost sick of grist. When you get to another alchemiter you're going to make so much useless crap you won't even know what to do with it all. Of course you don't know what you're doing with this grist anyway. Sigh. Won't this be fun?

Suddenly you spot it, way out on the horizon. Another one of those spirographs except this one is dark green, the same color as Umbrus' pesterchum text. If that doesn't lead to his land, you're a grub.

==Aishae: Proceed To The Gate!

Ignoring the slithering thing on a nearby club island you sail toward the gate, beaching on another heart. You look up to the gate, and then whistle dragonsprite over. It's only a short ride up to the gate on the wings of a dragon.

Let the game begin!

End Act 2

==Act 2 Intermission

Intermissions? We don't do intermissions here…

Or do we?

It seems we may…

==What Is This?

You see my dear reader, this intermission serves no actual purpose, and it is merely a chance to let you see the inner machinations of the adventure. Let us for instance take a short look through our character list. Umbrus, Aishae, Romuli, Sally, Zeldia, and Henry. Take a moment to ponder to yourself "Why these teams?"

Uh oh… hold on

I think the actual intermission is here…

==Begin Actual Intermission

You take a good long look around, who don't know who you are or where you are but it's somewhere big. And watery. There are a variety of islands scattered about in what look like the suits of a card deck. For a moment you think you're the author, pursuing the starting kids as they go through the game, but the author's OC is Umbrus.

==See Aishae

You spot a teenaged troll on a large sailing ship; she seems to be headed toward the spirograph off in the distance. You slither down into the sand so she doesn't spot you. Slither? Well you suppose that's a clue to who you are at least.

==Take A Guess

You don't have to guess, one look at your snaky tail brings back the memory. Some idiot's gone and tried to merge Sburb and Sgrub, and it looks like it worked. However, what they didn't know was the mutation that would occur in the denizens…

Your eyes are not eyes for a moment, as your consciousness slips. Splitting your soul into six was difficult and you keep sliding into one form or another. As medusa you may have a decent amount of power, but it's nothing compared to what you had before… Even all the denizens you currently have possessed couldn't match that wrath.

A flash of the magic eight ball in the eyes of the snake filled head confirm the dreaded suspicions of any readers or Sburb players. The denizens have been possessed by something horrifying and awesome. Something, called Lord English.

End Act 2 Intermission


End file.
